How Much is that Doggie in the Window

Place Two: One Trick Pony

Going to One Trick Pony on October 3, 2008, would be a lot like starting a MySpace account on October 3, 2008. With either venture, their peak in societal relevance and importance has come and gone, making those respective endeavors somewhat of a wasted effort. That is, the time involved could certainly be better spent elsewhere. But, if you take the time, you'll find that none of your friends are there, anyway.

This characterization might be unfair. After all, One Trick Pony is ten years old, which is an awkward age within the context of downtown Grand Rapids--too old to be cool, and too young to be a landmark. Accordingly, One Trick Pony has the feel of a place that is built for suburbanites who want to have dinner downtown on a weekend. In that respect, it's like the B.O.B. for acrophobics or agoraphobics. Unfortunately, the Pony's current role as a Mecca for gastronomic gentrification^TM might be hard to sustain long-term, especially when that demographic discovers that the vastly hipper Rockwell's/Republic has valet parking, thus obviating the need to set foot on Divison Avenue (yikes!). In any instance, the empty tables in the picture to the left, which was taken on a Friday night, remove any doubt that One Trick Pony is a Place that Nobody Goes.

Ambiance: Two Tumbleweeds

I'd always wondered what Applebee's would be like if it were downtown and called One Trick Pony. However, it's all very clear to me now. Putting old musical instruments on the wall probably seemed like a good idea back in 1997, though the same can't be said of that guy's haircut (zing!). Honestly, though, the look of exposed brick is rarely improved upon through strategic trombone case placement, and the walls of the Pony are no exception.

Consumables: Four Tumbleweeds

The Pony has an extensive menu, with items like Portabella Wellington and Pesto-Rubbed Salmon. Along with a better-than-it-needs-to-be selection of microbrews on their equally extensive drink menu, OTP (yeah, you know me?) rates high in the consumables department.

Hidden Treasure Factor: One Tumbleweed

To constitute a Hidden Treasure, a Place needs to be either (a) hidden or (b) a treasure. OTP is on Fulton, just off Division, so it can hardly be called hidden. As for treasurosity, I just wasn't feeling it. Sometimes you enter a Place Nobody Goes and immediately want to leave, which seems like the opposite emotion that one would experience when happening upon, say, some gold doubloons or pieces of eight. I must say that One Trick Pony felt more like the former than the latter, and it is therefore entitled to only one Tumbleweed.